“The wife cheated and lied for three months. How to forgive her? »

We are a young couple. We have been living together for three years, daughter two and a half years. My wife cheated on me for three months, and during this period we

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scandalized a lot. I did not understand what was with her, but I saw that something was wrong.

She lied to me. She said that she no longer loves me, but did not say that she has someone, until one day she told me about all her lover.

I thought it was the end: in anger and resentment I broke with her, I thought that divorce was inevitable. But we have a daughter, and the idea that another man would be near my wife and daughter did not give me rest.

I invited her to start with a clean sheet. She broke all the ties with him, and now we live together. She says that she loves me, that all this was a mistake, but I can’t forgive her. And I can’t let go of.

We often swear, and my anger goes outside every time. What to do – I don’t know. Recently learned that she is pregnant with the second. I thought it would help me forgive her, but I was mistaken. I love her very much, and at the same time I have anger to her and to some extent hatred. Help with advice!

Fedor, I understand your emotions. It really hurts and is insulting. You have a lot of accumulated negative emotions, and you must live and release them. From your letter it can be seen that these emotions break out during communication with your wife. But neither you nor your spouse understand how to close this gestalt correctly.

Gestalt is the end. And if the process is not completed, it will constantly remind of himself. So your grievances, anger, pain, disappointment are not completed and constantly remind of themselves. Why is this happening?

Any emotion passes 3 stages:

  • identification;
  • accommodation;
  • Adoption.

And if there was a failure at any stage, and the emotion did not pass them sequentially, then incompleteness arises. Each of us has an internal need for integrity. And she will not give you peace until you close this emotional gestalt.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to help you do it with a written advice. You need real work with a psychologist or an emotologist – a specialist in living emotions. This will not require you much time and finance, but at the same time it will effectively solve your problem.

What is the essence of working with an emotologist? You describe his situation to him, he will listen and offer a scheme of actions that will help you live correctly emotions. Further, the emotional space creates an emotional space where you can freely express these emotions.

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